The burden of love

I was watching CSI: NY on a local network the other day and the theme of this particular episode struck me and made me think deeply about love being a heavy responsibility! There were two separate stories of crime but somehow linked to the sense of 'strong love' but of course in its perverted and broken sense! The first case was of a tunnel builder who was found dead after an explosion in the tunnel.

The CSI people finally found out that it was the victim's own brother who killed him because in his own words...he was such a heavy responsibility! As the story unfolded this guy felt a heavy responsibility to make sure his trouble making brother was well taken care of throughout life. So heavy was the feeling of responsibility that he did the unthinkable in leaving him down in the tunnel to teach him a lesson. Being asthmatic and left with an empty inhaler the victim died and his body left in the explosion to make it look like an accident. When he was finally 'caught' he showed no real feeling of remorse!

The other story is of a 16 year old girl found drowned in the river. The CSI people found out that she was killed by the rich girl who was her best friend. The girl became jealous of the victim when she began to gain the affections of her late father and only brother. When she was 'caught' she not only did not show remorse but a perverted sense of heartlessness as she told the CSI people that as a hunter her father often told her that there is no feeling whatsoever as one watched life fleeting from the eyes of one's victims!

I still think 'love' in its raw and tainted human sense IS a very fragile and brittle thing! So when I think of love being a heavy responsibility I look at it from God's point of view. How heavy a responsibility it is to love me in all my ugliness and brokenness yet whatever He do 'to teach me life's lessons' He does so out of a sense of deep and unconditional love for me.

Not to 'satisfy' His need for vindication or to show who is boss but to help me see life and love as it is meant to be! He is not some insecure being that gets mad every time we step on His toe! But He is also not a sappy sentimental being that just smile every time His creatures lash out at Him. He is the perfect moral and spiritual being that will not tolerate anything that trivializes what matters to Him!

The Bible says that sin has no place in His holy presence, sinners yes but not sin and He takes that seriously! Maybe when I was younger in my faith I couldn't fully appreciate His hands of discipline but over these many years I appreciate His personal involvement in shaping and refining my life because it’s a proof that He is treating me like His true child! I am who I am today because He took the pain and trouble to nurture me.

And yet I think it is true that He would never think of loving me as a burden! In respond to the second story in the CSI episode I think a lot of hurting people, if we are not careful, CAN become heartless and deadly cold in trying to keep what they strongly feel is theirs by right!

For me, as a rule of thumb for my own inner healing, I have always maintained a 'pliable' heart (by God's amazing grace every time) to make it a little easier on myself. No doubt it’s painful every time God does a 'soul surgery' but with the pain comes healing. And with healing comes wholeness and wellness for the soul! So when I think of love often time than not it is a heavy responsibility, a sort of a burden that keeps one on the toe to be alert and mindful of the other. I think of love being a 'burden' not in a perverted or broken sense of the word but in a caring and nurturing way.

Love that is responsible towards the other, not taking the other for granted in any way or taking advantage of the other in any way! I've seen this in my parents' forty over years of marriage. They are not the most perfect or affectionate of couple I've seen but I've seen how hopeless and restless the other will be without the other.

There was one time my father had a minor accident, collapsed while driving because he was sick which was later diagnosed as pneumonia and was hospitalized for a week. My mother was a wreck. After two days of being discharged he became very sick again and we thought we were going to lose him. This time my mother was a total wreck! He was hospitalized at a private hospital and received excellent treatment that brought him literally back to life. I could see life returning to my mother's eyes also.

That was about six or seven years ago. Every now and again she would complain to me how difficult my father is at times when he loses his temper or being unreasonable, I would calmly remind her of that incident and need not say more. I think it made sense to her as she would stop complaining! My parents' formidable relationship is really the only reference point I have when it comes to try and understand a marriage relationship.

I think this will be the greatest legacy they can leave to us their children! Being imperfect creatures surely means imperfect relationship but there's always hope in God! My parents have taught me well (not fully realizing it of course) how to love quite perfectly despite the imperfections! And it is quite a heavy responsibility. I don't claim to understand it all about the 'mystery' of this man-woman relationship but what I do know is that it is a heavy responsibility and in that sense love is a sort of a positive burden that will help us appreciate it more!